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All glory to He Who Washes, may he Cleanse the Unwashed.

Behold his call to arms:

Dirty men have dirty minds

Filth gathers on the skin, to the truth it blinds

Filth gathers in the heart, to the Way it blocks

Filth gathers in the soul, like a pair of dirty socks

Why do you hide from the tub?

When all you really need is a good back rub

Why do you wallow with the unclean?

When from the wrong path you must wean

Why do you embrace the dirt?

When in your future with death you flirt

I am here, my child

To wash you clean, you who was defiled

Rise up, from the dirt around

Rise up, from the filthy ground

Step forward, towards the glorious heat

Here, only salvation you shall meet

One toe, then another

Surrounded you will be, brother with brother

Feel the filth wash away

A new start, a new day

Let the warmth soak in,

Feel your soul, feel your skin

Now you are clean, now you are whole

A body washed, a born again soul

Stand tall, my brethren kin

For you have been cleansed of sin

Tell your friends, tell your enemies

Listen not to their hate, nor their jealousy

All are welcome, all are friends

Together we shall be, until the end

And now we say, rub a dub dub

Won’t you come and join The Hot Tub Club?

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Thank you for listening.