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Sounds like the opening to a joke, right?

Wrong.

This is no laughing matter.

Today’s story idea is a comedy, action, mystery, murder mashup (Think “Hot Fuzz”).

As with all of my story ideas, if this one inspires you to write something, or if you want to take the story of three unlucky guys and turn it into a proper book, a small acknowledgement would be great.

And so, without further ado, here is “So, A Pyromaniac, A Clown and An Irishman walk into a Bar…”:

So, A Pyromaniac, A Clown and An Irishman walk into a Bar… Tells story of three strangers (The Pyromaniac: Carlos Flambé; The Clown: Bozo, and the Irishman: Quinn O’Reilly) who are forced to work together after they witness the murder of a mayoral candidate, Seamus O’Grond, by unknown assailants. 

The three men meet in a bar, The Lucky Leprechaun, after each has a disastrous day (Carlos accidentally set fire to his band’s instruments and was kicked out; Bozo was booed off the stage at his comedy gig; and Quinn had a fight with his wife) and bond over their shared unhappiness. However, as they are leaving, they stumble across the body of Seamus and are seen by his killers. The men (still heavily intoxicated) must now evade their pursuers using their individual skills, find out who killed Seamus and try their best not to pass out.

With none of the police believing their story (due to their drunk state) they decide to head towards the town hall and tell the current mayor, Finn Hamidd, directly.

However, before they can see him, they witness him telling his security detail to hunt down and eliminate the men who witnessed Seamus’s murder (Finn was afraid of losing the election to Seamus, who was gaining popularity, and so sought to have him killed).

Fleeing the hall, they slowly make their way to Quinn’s home. Along the way, they learn more about one another. Carlos was almost killed in a fire started by his psychotic mother when he was a child. His father received dangerous levels of smoke inhalation while carrying him out of the house and has been on a ventilator ever since. After a few years Carlos ran away from his responsibilities as his father’s carer due to the guilt and resentment. 

Bozo tells them about his dark thoughts and creepy imagination that his parents tried to suppress through forced laughter (which led to him becoming a clown).

Quinn tells them about his unhappy marriage and feelings of worthlessness (his wife berates him for never trying to make anything out of his life, which she blames on his cowardice and laziness). 

Arriving at Quinn’s house, they devise a plan to force Finn to confess to plotting Seamus’s murder. They plan to use the electoral speech that Finn will be giving the next morning before voting begins.

However, the next day, they wake up with hangovers and realize that they have forgotten the plan. Racing back to the Lucky Leprechaun (while evading Finn’s men), they are able to become drunk once more and remember the plan.

As Finn is giving his speech, Bozo appears and starts telling a story about the ghost of Seamus who has appeared to drag Finn into hell (Carlos provides the fire), as Finn panics (he has a long standing fear of clowns) Quinn appears on the stage and accuses Finn of killing off Seamus, citing Finn’s poor mayoral decisions and shady history, rallying the townsfolk behind him. 

Overwhelmed, Finn confesses to the crime and is arrested.

In the aftermath, the three men share one last round at the pub. Carlos announces that he is returning to his home to look after his father, Bozo tells them has he has decided to become a horror writer and Quinn announces that he will be running for mayor once the election is restored. Afterwards, they part ways, promising to meet again one day (with hopefully less danger to their lives).

Thanks for listening! The next story idea is “The Sapphire Locket”, look forward to it!

And remember, even if you cannot walk in a straight line, Never Lose Your Stride!

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